No Sex After Six Years?

No Sex After Six Years?

By:Ruth Westheimer

Question :

My wife and I have been married for six years and we have not had sex yet. At first we tried, but she was in great pain. She saw a doctor and was told that there was no problem, but we tried again and the pain was so great I felt bad about trying. I have never been inside her. We still play physically, but have become lazy about trying intercourse. Now we would like to have children, but we still have the problem with her pain. I love my wife and she loves me, but we feel foolish. We've been married six years and do not have sex. We both want it, but can't get past her pain. What can we do?

Answer :

First of all, go to see another doctor. The answer the first one gave is not acceptable. If there is nothing physically wrong, then it shouldn't hurt. If she saw something physically wrong that would cause the pain, you should be told what it is.

Sometimes these types of pain are psychological. The woman involuntarily tightens up the muscles of her vagina making penetration painful and sometimes impossible. If that's what is going on, then a sex therapist might help.

Sometimes there is a physical problem. I had one woman write to me to say that after years of suffering, she found a doctor who gave her a series of bigger and bigger speculums (devices that a doctor uses to stretch open the vagina when he conducts a gynecological exam) with which she was able to stretch her vagina to allow for intercourse. So you see, there may be a solution, but first you have to find out exactly what the cause of your problem is.